NEAR-DEATH EXPERIENCERS – THE DARK SIDE OF HOW TO HANDLE MONEY AFTERWARDS
04 10
Many actually walk out on their lives, giving away or leaving behind what they have, so they may pursue a more spiritual way of living – perhaps seeking out a new profession, maybe as a healer, minister, counselor, or as an individual more involved in the creative arts. They are infused with a sense of “mission,” that they have a job to do and they had better be about doing it. This is very real to an experiencer; that sense of mission is passionate and ofttimes quite consuming in how it affects them.
The stories of what happens next and what experiencers do about pursuing this new passion are inspiring, and can uplift and enlighten others. These people show all of us what true priorities are and the value of becoming more spiritual in how we regard our daily lives.
As part of this “turn-around” in lifestyles, there are other experiencers who simply lose touch with anything detailed, such as clock time (appointments, schedules), employment (tasks, planning), investments (retirement, stocks/bonds), and money itself (budgets, debts). This has little to do with expressing spirituality in a more active way in one’s life. Rather, what is more often the case, is that the experiencer, still detached and wide-open, wants to help others, please others, and experience the newness of life devoid of the pressure of expectations. In this freedom of “being new,” an experiencer just wants to be free.
Seldom are the challenges that can come from this shift in priorities big enough of an issue to become really threatening - until somewhere between 14 to 20 years later (I identified this timeframe as “the fourth phase of integration” in my research and recorded this finding in various books, especially “The Big Book of Near-Death Experiences”). When that time comes, it’s as if the experiencer “hits a wall” and comes face to face with some serious financial issues, especially in regards to family, children, and debts. It is during this period that experiencers often question: “Was it worth it? Did I do the right thing? Was I kidding myself? Do I have the right to put my family at risk just because I want to pursue a different way of living? How about the future of my family? Who takes care of them? What is my responsibility here? Is there a better way I could have handled this?” This period of questionning can lead to feelings of deep grief and guilt, and sometimes anger, and sometimes a great sense of loss.
Negotiating “the darkness light can bring” is no easy task. Few if any counselors and therapists recognize what is really going on here. Based on what I have observed, I submit that the real culprit is. . . they never grieved for their death. Near-death experiencers, the majority, either physically died or nearly so. Afterward, they are so changed by what they went through that they never look back. . . until years have passed, maybe several decades. The “wall” they hit then is that grief. What I have found to be helpful when this occurs, is spreading one’s baby, childhood, and growing-up pictures across the walls and stuffed into purse or wallet. Viewing this, and acknowledging and honoring the life once lived, is very comforting and calming. Spending time remembering “before,” understanding what the major influences were and whether that was beneficial or troublesome, really taking a good look at adulthood (if an adult experiencer) and examining motivations – all of this is very revealing. Going through a grieving process of acknowledging that what was lost is never really gone, but has shifted around in value and meaning, is extremely valuable. You are still you, but now you are a different model of who you once were, and it’s okay to be that way. With most experiencers, once they relax into the different way they now regard life and how it can be lived, and how much better and freer they feel, there is immense relief and a sense of deep healing. Some regrets can linger, yet, eventually, even those fade. “The peace that passes all understanding” can result. For those who cannot face that “wall,” or cannot in some way maneuver their way through a process of reassessment and “realignment,” disappointment and despair can follow, perhaps leading to illness or denials. In my research, those adult and child experiencers most likely to commit or at least attempt suicide after their near-death experience, did so during this fourth phase of integration.
Taking a broader view of the integration process can help to highlight problems/challenges before they become serious or threatening issues. Last I heard Yolaine Stout, herself an experiencer, was planning on writing a manual that could be a guide and an aid for individuals going through the initial phases after a near-death episode. It is my hope this project of hers is published soon. Perhaps others, like Yolaine, will be so inspired that they too will come up with similar projects.
To show how important this issue is, what follows is a real tear-jerker, a near-death experiencer who committed suicide because of the guilt he felt in not being able to handle money after his experience, and because of the way his mismanagement affected his family. Situations like this occur far too often, although in most cases, the result is not as final as suicide. The experiencer’s friend, Margo, is now dedicated to finding a way of getting necessary information to the people who need it most. Perhaps you can help her. Her e-mail address is included, in case you wish to contact her directly.
Blessings to all, P. M. H. Atwater, L.H.D.
Subject: Can you help me?
From: "Margo Spilde"
